Living Zimbabwe

Category: Culture

  • The Small House Syndrome

    Small House is a term used to describe the girlfriend or girlfriends of a married man. It is a secret sexual relationship where the girlfriend acts as a second wife and in the process receives a number of benefits such as living expenses, a monthly allowance, shopping sprees, dinner dates (and the list goes on) as would be done within a monogamous relationship. Due to the nature of the relationship, condoms are rarely used and some of them go on to produce children. In most cases the children do not take up their fathers name due to secret nature of the relationship between their parents.

    HIV/AIDS is still rife in Zimbabwe and is a big issue that people within these relationships have to contend with. Some men may have more than one small house and the small houses themselves may have more than one person with whom they are having a relationship with. This leads to a web of unprotected sex which could mean the death of them all if one of them becomes infected with HIV. This practice has been dubbed by some as the key drive of HIV/AIDS and it is not hard to see why.

    With the current economic situation in Zimbabwe it has become harder for the average Zimbabwean to look after his family let alone maintain his small house. When the maintenance money stops being paid out the relationship ends and people just move on quite easily as there usually isn’t any emotional connection. The small house sees the relationship as a transaction in which she is exchanging sex for money which is a viable source of income given the high rate of unemployment in the nation. There are women who actively seek men with whom to have this kind of relationship with.

    The downturn in the economy can be seen as a blessing in disguise if in fact the small house syndrome is a key driver of HIV/AIDS. On the other side of the coin, the downturn has lead to an increase in prostitution which plays a role in the spread of the virus.

    Even though having a small house has been seen as something of a norm, a sad thing about the whole situation is the destruction it causes in peoples lives. There are the faithful wives who find out about their husband’s infidelity or even worse, contract HIV and then there are the children born from the relationships who may feel ‘lost’ or never get the chance of being part of a ‘real’ loving family unit. Whatever the case may be, my hopes are that the practise continues on its downward spiral because of the morality and health issues it brings to the table. Is such a feat possible with the way it is ingrained into society?

  • The Price of a Bride

    Roora (bride-price or dowry) is an old custom where a groom pays in order to marry the bride. The payment made to the bride’s family is meant to signify gratitude towards the bride’s family for raising her and a smaller portion of it is to help the bride set up house. It is a process that not only brings a bride and groom together, it also brings their families together. The process includes negotiations between the two families where they talk about the number of cattle (which represent money) to be paid and so on. This payment is now increasingly being paid out in cash or both cash and cattle. I won’t go into detail about the whole process but you can stop by xxxxxx’s blog and read about her experience – (note: link has been removed at the request of the site owner).

    A number of Zimbabweans in the Diaspora are falling in love sometimes the people they are falling in love with are still living in Zimbabwe and regardless of that fact they are sticking to tradition and having customary marriages. Roora has now become big business with a number of brides’ families seeing it as an opportunity to get their hands on some hard cash. With the groom living outside Zimbabwe it is becoming more and more common for the families to demand payment in foreign currency. Some even go as far as to demand cars and houses.

    Fact of the matter is that a number of the men are not able to meet these demands or see them as absurd. The man’s family may try to negotiate further but in most cases they run for the hills never to be seen again and the couple ends up not getting married. I have a relative who demanded that his daughter’s suitor who is based in South Africa pay him in Rands. He asked for a very high and unrealistic amount that the groom and his family could not afford. The groom’s family left a little stunned promising to return for further negotiations. That was two years ago and they have not yet returned.

    Just because someone is living out of the country it does not mean that they are suddenly doing very well for themselves and can afford anything and everything that their heart desires. If anything, it is a little harder for them to get on their feet. A number take up menial jobs and are struggling to get by. As is the case with a lot of Zimbabweans in the Diaspora they are looking after relatives and family back home by sending them whatever money they can.

    People should not forget about where they came from and wherever possible should stick to tradition. In the case of Roora, people should not exploit such a custom for their own personal gain and should use it for what it is meant for, defining relationships between two families.

  • Pain in My Heart

    For the first post, I have put up a short version of the documentary Pain in My Heart by Zimbabwean journalist and broadcaster Hopewell Chin’ono. In the documentary he follows 2 people infected by HIV. One of them has access to anti retro virals drugs and other does not.

    HIV/AIDS is something that has affected the lives of so many Zimbabweans. I don’t know if I have come across a Zimbabwe whose life has not been affected by the disease in the form of the death of a family member or friend.